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Marriage Crisis Assessment Report
created for: Michelle (michelle62668@gmail.com)
date created: February 29, 2012
assessment ID: EJD8pb2g
main problem: Your husband wants to leave you because he [unspecified reason]

Section
One:
What are the chances that my relationship is still salvageable?

Michelle, you indicated with your responses that:
- you think the biggest reason he wants to leave is because he [unspecified reason]
- you've been together for more than 7 years
- your marriage has been in crisis for several weeks
- you two are married
- kids are involved that would be affected by your divorce
- he has not cut off all communication with you
- no legal separation/divorce proceedings have been initiated

Now here are my thoughts based on the information you provided...

Cheating is one of the most common reasons that marriages end because it’s very difficult for trust and respect to return after a betrayal like this... 

...So it’s REALLY good that neither of you knows or suspects any cheating. 

It’s common for the partner that ‘wants out’ to say that there’s no chance of convincing them to give you a chance. 

...But case after case has proven that, despite their insistence that there’s no way they’re going to stay, the leaving partner secretly wishes there IS a way to make it work - but will only consider it if they can justify to themselves that it’s in they should give you another chance.

You indicated that they have NOT told you there's no chance of getting them back...so this is obviously a really good sign.

It’s good that you two are married.  It means that there has been in the past some previous commitment in his mind to be with you permanently…

…which means that, with the right approach that's based on your unique situation, there’s a really good chance you can get him to recommit again.

The fact that kids are involved is a good sign.  It’s very likely that, no matter what’s going on between you and him, you’ll be connected to each other to some degree through the kids…

…And if you have even a little form of communication with him, your chances of getting him to come back to you are much better.

What you need to do right now is get your foot in the door with him and turn the momentum in this crisis from heading towards a divorce to heading towards recovery.

But be extremely careful because it's very likely that he's in a hyper-defensive state right now...So the wrong approach can do more damage than good and actually accelerate your divorce.

However, with the right approach, your chances of getting another chance are high.

Conclusion: Based on your description of your marriage crisis and my experience with helping thousands of couples in your situation, I estimate that, with the right approach, your chances of convincing him to give you another chance are well over 80% ...

To find out how, read the rest of your assessment report ...

 

Section
Two:
Is it too late to salvage the marriage? Or is there still hope?

Michelle, you indicated with your responses that:
- you've been together for more than 7 years
- your marriage problems have been going on for several weeks
- you're scared that you've blown it and it's too late to save the relationship
- you can't stop thinking about how cold, dark, lonely and agonizing life will be without him
- you get gut wrenching thoughts of him being happy & intimate with someone else

Now here are my thoughts based on the information you provided...

You have to act now.  Time is not on your side. 

Research confirms that the longer you wait, the less likely you are to reverse the momentum in your marriage from moving towards divorce to moving towards recovery.

But it’s not just about taking action.  It’s about taking the RIGHT action.  The wrong action is likely to accelerate the momentum towards divorce while the right approach can instantly turn the momentum towards recovery.

Make the commitment RIGHT NOW that you will immediate take action towards repairing the marriage with your partner – for everybody's sake.

Conclusion: Time is NOT on your side. Take the RIGHT action immediately or risk losing your marriage for good...

Keep reading your assessment report to find out how...

 

Section
Three:
What impact will my dysfunctional marriage and/or eventual divorce have on the lives of the kids?

Michelle, you indicated with your responses that:
- kids are involved which would be affected by your marriage issues or a divorce

Now here are my thoughts based on the information you provided...

You’re right to be concerned about your kids.  I won’t list the negative impacts on kids when their parents divorce because it wouldn’t fit here…

...But a quick search on Google for ‘effect of divorce on children’ will give you thousands of results for articles which give you an idea of how damaging your divorce can be on your kids.
 
The bottom line is that it DOES have a huge negative impact and you owe it to your kids to make sure that your decision is one that also has their best interest in mind...

...And if your decision ends up being that you want to try to make it work... Also keep in mind that a dysfunctional marriage can also have a huge negative impact on your children.

How they see you relate to each other is going to affect their perceptions of what will be acceptable in their own marriages as they become adults. 

If they see you fight, argue, bicker, scream, take cheap shots, lie to each and have power struggles…they’ll probably end up in a marriage where that's commonplace too.

…Because if it was good enough for mom and dad it’s good enough for them, right?

On the other hand, if they see a loving marriage where you respect, appreciate and cherish each other and are an unshakable team… they’re probably not going to settle for anything less in their marriage.

This is one of those areas where you can have a HUGE positive impact right now on the rest of their lives but where you have much less influence once they’re adults…. Because once they're adults, they’ll make decisions based more upon THEIR own values. 

So what you can do NOW is teach them, by your own actions, the value of respecting, appreciating, cherishing and enjoying their partner… and having a partner that does same for them. 

The good news is that with the right guidance…you can go from fighting, arguing, resentment and misery…to respect, admiration, cherishing and happiness. 

Conclusion: Your divorce and/or dysfunctional marriage WILL  have a huge negative impact on the lives of your kids.  You owe it to
them to do everything you can to create a marriage
that's a good ‘model’ for them… 

To find out how, keep reading your assessment report...

 

Section
Four:
Why do we fight all the time? Does some incompatibility doom us to be miserable & eventually divorce?

Michelle, you indicated with your responses that:
- you've said hurtful things which you later regretted
- there's been disrespect, name calling or verbal abuse

And here's my analysis based on the information you provided...

You might have a fear deep inside that the fighting, arguing and disrespect are just symptoms of an incompatibility which will sooner or later tear you two apart.

On the surface that make sense, right?  Why else would you always end up fighting over even the littlest things?

But based on the thousands of couples I’ve worked with, I can confidently tell you that you’re probably not incompatible at all.  In fact, it’s very likely that you’re very compatible.

What’s really going on is a power struggle.  You’re both perceiving each other (at least subconsciously) as opponents instead of as teammates. This results in one or both of you trying to dominate the other (or avoid being dominated by the other).

Whether that threat of domination is real or just perceived, it causes the friction which leads to the conversation... which escalates into the argument... which leads to voices being raised... which finally leads to the fight...

... because neither of you is really going to let themselves be completely dominated, are you?

Although having a power struggle within a couple is pretty common, it can lead to fighting and affairs which can eventually end up tearing you apart.

The good news is that by addressing the root cause with the right approach based on your unique situation, you can quickly replace that sense of power struggle with a sense of generously having each other's back 100%... and therefore 'divorce-proof' the marriage.

Conclusion: You and your partner are in a power struggle which is causing you to clash and can lead to your divorce. However, with the right approach, you can  easily put and end to the arguing, bickering and fighting and 'divorce-proof' the marriage...

Read the rest of your assessment report to find out how...

 

Section
Five:
The marriage feels 'tainted' by the past. Can we wipe the slate clean and start fresh?

Michelle, you indicated with your responses that:
- layers of hurt and resentment have built up over the course of the marriage
- there has been lying/dishonesty/betrayal
- there's mistrust for one or both of you

Here's my analysis based on the information you provided...

If you and your partner had a lot of bad history together, both of you are likely worried that there are just too many layers of pain, hurt and resentment between you to repair the marriage and be happy together. 

It may feel like your marriage, which was perfectly clean when you first got together, has now been contaminated way too much.

Too many bad experiences…Too many fights…Too much lying, deceit, betrayal and mistrust…

It’s likely that one or both of you:

  • has a lot of resentment for the other
  • don’t really respect the other
  • regrets ‘settling’ for this marriage
  • don’t feel safe in the marriage
  • feels like they’d be happier starting fresh with somebody else

This is a serious issue that, if not resolved, can lead to actions (extreme jealousy, verbal abuse and cheating/affairs) which can then trigger your final divorce.

The good news is that there is a way to wipe the slate clean and start fresh... so you can regain each other’s respect and trust again... and really connect again to that attraction and love that brought you together in the first place.

Conclusion: The festering of hurts & resentments from the past is a serious issue which, if not resolved, can lead to actions like more affairs which can then  trigger your final divorce. However, there IS  a way to wipe the slate clean and start fresh....

To find out there's still time to save it, read this next section...

 

Section
Six:
Should I reach out for help & support from my friends and family about the problems in my marriage?

Michelle, you indicated with your responses that:
- you have told many friends and family about your marriage crisis
- you can't eat, sleep, work or concentrate
- you're confused, exhausted and overwhelmed

Now here are my thoughts about that ...

Although it's not a bad idea to reach out to one or two people who can listen to you and support you, it's not a great idea to tell everybody.

Why? There's 2 reasons...

First, although they have good intentions, their advice on how to handle this complicated situation is probably no better than your own logical approach (which is usually more damaging than productive)...

...And second, if you tell your friends and family, they're instinctively going to rally behind you no matter what you may (or may not) have done to contribute to the problems... and as they rally behind you, your partner now becomes the ‘bad guy’ in their minds (to some degree).

Now fast forward a bit.  After you’ve done all the work to fix your marriage and you’ve worked things out and your problems are in the past... your friends and family will still know what happened.

Resentment and maybe even hostility towards your partner will still linger with your friends and family even after the problems between you and your partner has come and gone.

So besides the awkwardness, what happens when you visit?  What happens during holidays and thanksgiving dinners? 

Both you and your partner will be thrown back into those bad memories and feelings of the past – ripping open the skin off those old wounds – leading to tension, arguing, fighting... and maybe even a reoccurrence of the crisis. 

Conclusion: DON’T  announce your crisis to all your friends and family. Keep it discrete for now to limit the long term damage.

Keep reading your assessment report to find out how...

 

Section
Seven:
If marriage counseling is dangerous, should I try to repair my marriage on my own?

Michelle, you indicated with your responses that:
- you've tried reasoning with him to get him to see things your way
- one or both of you have threatening to leave if the other didn't change

Now here are my thoughts about that ...

Should you try to repair your marriage on your own?

Yes... And No...

Yes, trying to repair your marriage on your own is definitely better that not doing anything and letting the marriage get worse and worse... and more and more contaminated.

But NO, you should NOT try it without the RIGHT approach based on an understanding of why your marriage is the way it is right now and what it's going to take to create the marriage that you want.

Chances are very high that your logical and natural approach to fixing your marriage is causing more and more damage in your marriage and dangerously pushing your partner farther and farther away from you.

You may have noticed that what you've tried already seems to sometimes make things worse and rarely has any lasting positive effect.

Contrary to what you may have seen on other websites, there are no 'secret' magical words that will instantly make them cooperate with you. 

What you need to realize is that repairing your marriage is not something you can do on your own without the RIGHT information.  It requires the right step-by-step approach based on your unique marriage.

Conclusion: Do NOT try to repair your marriage on your own without the RIGHT step-by-step approach. You could do more
harm than good and actually accelerate your divorce ...

Keep reading your assessment report to find out what you should do...

 

Section
Eight:
What should I do if my partner doesn't want to cooperate in fixing the marriage?

Michelle, you indicated with your responses that:
- he is a little cooperative with helping to improve the marriage
- you've tried reasoning with him to get him to see things your way
- one or both of you have threatening to leave if the other didn't change
- you've tried telling him how much you love him, need him and can't live without him

Now here are my thoughts about that ...

Although it helps if your partner cooperates in repairing the marriage, it's not required - you can transform the marriage on your own if you know how to do it.

That may seem counterintuitive, right?

You’re both in this together so it’s logical that you BOTH need to participate if the marriage is going to be improved, right?

Wrong... And here’s something else that's counterintuitive…

YOU are responsible for the way the marriage is right now.

But this isn’t about blame...  It's about you really ‘getting’ how much of an influence you have on the marriage.

Here’s what you need to understand…

Your way of relating to them (your way of behaving towards them, the boundaries you’ve set, your attitude towards them, the way you talk to them, etc) causes them to relate to you in a certain way.

By changing the way you relate to them, you change the way THEY relate to YOU.

YOU have the power to completely transform your marriage.

What you’re missing is the RIGHT understanding of how you need to relate to your partner in order to get them to relate to you the way you want them to… and the RIGHT approach to putting all of this into action.

Conclusion: YOU are responsible for how your marriage is right now and YOU have the power to repair it on your own.  What
you're missing is the RIGHT understanding of what you need
to do and the RIGHT approach to putting it into action…

Keep reading your assessment report to find out what you should do...

 


Marriage Assessment Summary:

1) Based on your description of your marriage crisis and my experience with helping thousands of couples in your situation, I estimate that, with the right approach, your chances of convincing him to give you another chance are well over 80% ...

2) Although you have a good chance of saving your marriage, time is NOT on your side. Take the RIGHT action immediately or risk losing your marriage for good.

3) Your dysfunctional marriage and/or divorce WILL have a huge negative impact on the lives of your kids. You owe it to them to do everything you can to create a marriage that's a good ‘model’ for them.

4) You’re in a power struggle with your partner.  Replace the power struggle with a sense of ‘team’ or ‘WE’.

5) The festering of hurts & resentments from the past is a serious issue that, if not resolved, can lead to actions like more affairs which can then trigger your final divorce. However, there IS a way to wipe the slate clean and start fresh.

6) DON’T announce your crisis to all your friends and family. Keep it discrete for now to limit the long term damage.

7) Do NOT try to repair your marriage on your own without the RIGHT step-by-step approach. Get the right approach from an expert.

8) YOU are responsible for how your marriage is and YOU have the power to change it on your own.  What you’re missing is the right understanding of what you need to change and how to do it.

Marriage Crisis Assessment Conclusion: 

Based on your responses, it seems that, with the right approach, you have a good chance of convincing your husband to give you another chance and to save your marriage.

However, time is not on your side. You have to take action immediately to learn exactly what you need to be doing to turn the tide in your favor... or you risk losing your marriage.

Besides the current crisis, it seems that there are also other serious issues which, if not resolved, are likely to intensify the problems in your marriage and eventually lead to your divorce.

It's critical that you also immediately address all the issues outlined above and turn the momentum in your marriage away from a divorce and towards recovery.

Here's what you should do next:

You should definitely REGISTER FOR THE WEBINAR BELOW to find out what it takes to fix a broken contaminated marriage, wipe the slate clean and create a strong ‘affair/divorce-proof’ marriage.

After Reading Your Assessment, Register Below
To Find Out How To Start Saving Your Marriage

 

My best wishes to you and your partner,
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Dr. Lee H. Baucom, (Ph.D.),
Coaching, Counseling & Consulting
4949 Brownsboro Road, Suite 147
Louisville, Kentucky 40222
Lee@CouplesTherapyExposed.com
Cell: 502-209-9522
Click here for BBB Business Review

P.S. After reading your Assessment, REGISTER FOR THE WEBINAR ABOVE to learn how to start fixing your marriage.


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